I Wonder

Counting the Stars

2011-12-19T14:19:00.000-08:00

Illustration by Catwalk

I've had a theory about life for a while now that I wanted to share with you. As you know, the last few weeks haven't been too much fun for me. I've been really sick with MS stuff and a painful face pain condition I've had for about a year. During the last two weeks I've been pretty open about what I'm going through and have been so touched by all of the support I've received from friends, family, and online contacts. I feel truly blessed and all of this encouragement is really pulling me through a tough time.

Here's my "profound" theory about going through those dark times that all of go through at some point in our lives. When we are faced with really difficult situations and our skies seem very dark and bleak, there are always stars in our sky, too. These "stars" can be friends and family being there for you, a hobby that enriches your life, good food on your table, a faith in God to give you strength, a gorgeous view from your front porch, a bird nest in the tree outside your window, loving hugs from a child, warm puppy kisses, blue skies, an inspiring book .... oh so many things to brighten even the blackest sky. Situations can still be overwhelming and painful, but I encourage you (and me) to make a point of looking for the stars in your life during these times.

And lastly, I try to remember that nights don't last forever. Soon enough the sun will shine again. Have a beautiful day and thanks again for all of your love and support. xoxo!

PS. After reading this, if you think I'm a natural optimist, I thought I'd clear that idea up right now. I have to work hard at being optimistic on the hard days. It doesn't come easy to me. I'm definitely not a Pollyanna character. ;)

A Pity Party

2011-12-09T17:05:00.000-08:00

Unknown Source

It's been so long since I've posted on this blog. I had every intention of making it more of a daily journal ... posting the good, the bad, and the ugly of my life. But life has been extra busy, rewarding, and difficult over the last few months.

Today I'm going to write a little about the "ugly" in my life. If you're looking for a positive and inspiring post, this isn't it. It has been a very hard week...month....year....10 years, and I guess I'm feeling a little sorry for myself this week. Ten years ago, after a botched hysterectomy (the I.V. wasn't put in my vain correctly and I had no pain medication or antibiotics until they discovered the problem 32 hours later), I began having troubling neurological symptoms. It started with all over tremors, then painful muscle twitches, balance issues, weak muscles, difficulty swallowing, vision problems and more recently an extremely painful nerve condition that affects one side of my face called Trigeminal Neuralgia. After 9 years of going from specialist to specialist and looking for answers, I was finally diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis after three emergency room visits and IV infusions for the earth shattering pain of Trigeminal Neuralgia.

Normally I'm a pretty cheerful and positive person but I've felt really sick this week and have been finding it impossible to battle the negative thoughts. I am struggling with the idea of living a life of horrific pain that only gets worse over the years. I am genuinely scared. As if having MS wasn't bad enough, I now have a disease that's known as "the suicide disease" and "the most painful condition known to man".

Yep, I'm having the worst kind of pity party the last few days and thought I'd vent right here on the blog I created as a place where I could be "real". If you read through this whole dreary post, thank you. More positive posts to come ... I promise. xo

A Sweet Video

2011-10-25T11:37:00.001-07:00

This little video really inspired me when I saw it. I love seeing art through a child's eyes.

By the way, I have an interview at a Montessori school tomorrow! I hope to work part-time as a Preschool teacher and possibly offer an art class, too. Please say a little prayer for me. :0)

Our first home photo ......

2011-10-18T10:43:00.000-07:00

Hmmm....I decided after taking this photo and attempting to edit it that, atleast at this point in my life, I am not called to be an interior stylist/photographer. Ha, ha. This is the first "official" photo I've taken to show you our new home. It's definitely a work in progress, but I love how it's filled with light! The gorgeous pillows on our sofa were made by a new and dear friend, Zahida, from The Homemaker Movement.

More photos to come .....

Beautiful Lake Washington

2011-10-06T18:50:00.000-07:00

Thursday already? Wow, this week went by really fast...atleast for me.

It was my second week in our new home and my husband, Dale, joined me on Friday so tomorrow it will be a week for him. It's been really amazing living here so far! Not only is our condo managable for me to keep clean, it's also been fun decorating it (still much more to do!), and so peaceful and relaxing being within walking distance of beautiful Lake Washington.

I took Bojangles with me today and he was such a good boy on his new handy dandy harness leash. Wish I'd known about these before! He no longer walks us...we actually walk HIM! Isn't that how it's supposed to be? Owner walks the dog, not dog walks the owner. lol.

I was goofing around with Photoshop today and decided to take a very unimpressive photo and spice it up. Which image do you prefer out of the four?

A Confession

2011-10-04T10:26:00.000-07:00

I have a little confession to make. Ready for this? Here it is.....I rarely ever wear a dress. Sad, I know. ha, ha. I can't even tell you the reason why, honestly. I love dresses, ruffles in moderation, and lovely feminine styles. So what is it? I have a few theories:

A. A dress just didn't seem practical as my kids' were growing up. Sometimes it was a struggle to even get out of my yoga pants and into something presentable!

B. When I go out somewhere I like not only to look nice, but I like to be comfortable. You have to admit, dresses and heels aren't always the epitomy of comfort. ;)

C. For many years we lived in a small country town and you just didn't see many girls/women wearing them! That probably shouldn't have stopped me, but with the above factors playing a part, it was just easier not to wear them. lol.

Now that my kids' are grown and we live in "the big city" I'm ready to add a few dresses to my wardrobe. Even though I like the dress in the photo I especially like how the stylists at Ruche accessorized it. The dress is pretty basic but once you add a rich red scarf, floral pumps and a droopy gray cardigan it's really beautiful.

Do YOU wear many dresses? How do you accessorize them?

And the livin' is easy........

2011-09-28T07:48:00.000-07:00

Photo found HERE

I don't know how long this can last, but I'm so enjoying my time alone at our new condo. Yesterday I baked cookies, took a walk by Lake Washington with our pup Bojangles (he actually walked me...you know how that goes), and even sat down for awhile and flipped through magazines looking for inexpensive (ha!) lamps and area rugs for our condo.

Now today's a different story. I was up at six and haven't quit! I've unpacked most of our boxes but have nowhere to put most of our things until we get the bookcases and a console put together. It's going much faster than I thought it would, though. :)

Hope you're enjoying your week so far, friends. Only two more days to go and hopefully you'll be able to squeeze in some relaxation for yourself! xo

Home...What it Means to Me

2011-09-27T11:05:00.000-07:00

Image found HERE

Can't believe we're finally here...we're in our new home! By the way, this isn't it. I just happen to love this picture. lol. I wouldn't mind living here, though. We moved alot growing up and I always remember wanting the small room, whereas my sister usually wanted the large one. I could seriously be happy living in a tiny cottage on the beach or a cozy cabin (like the one above) as long as I had a few things:

1. Peace and tranquility
2. Nature and beauty atleast a short walking distance away
3. Family and friends to fill it :)
4. A small area to be creative
5. A style that reflects my personality

What about you? What does home mean to YOU?

* To see the new pillows I purchased for our living room, visit Simply Hue. :)

Just Like Anne

2011-09-15T07:29:00.001-07:00

Marilla Cuthbert: You set your heart too much on frivolous things and then crash down into despair when you don't get them.

Anne Shirley: I know. I can't help flying up on the wings of anticipation. It's as glorious as soaring through a sunset... almost pays for the thud.

O.k., well since I already blew my cover and told you that I occasionally pick up an Anne of Green Gables book, I might as well let you know the reason why I'm drawn to Kevin Sullivan's classic novel. It's because I'm very much (not sure this is to my credit) like the character of Anne. I'm a huge dreamer, I often speak and do things without thinking, I have a keen sense of wonder, and I lose heart when things don't go as I planned or dreamed.

On that note, today I'm in "the depths of despair" (as Anne would say) because our moving plans have been thwarted once again. I think that, due to the stress of moving, my husband and I are having some gaps in our communication. ha, ha. Originally we had planned on moving to our new home two weeks ago but then, just off the cuff, my husband decided to allow our renter to stay two more weeks. After I cooled off from hearing his decision (I would have loved to be a part of this one) I realized that it was all for the best .... more money to go towards our move plus we were helping our renter at the same time. Also, I figured, what's two more weeks in the whole scheme of things?

So, in my mind, we were going to move today (Thursday)! Well, my husband let me know just last night that we're only moving our things in today but we're not moving in until our home sells or rents out. Sigh.....now was that a miscommunication or what? (Just so this isn't too confusing to you, we are moving into a condo that we bought for investment purposes, but currently rent out.)

Anyways, today I'm feeling a little blue about this and am frankly being tempted to move into our new home by myself while he stays here to tie up the loose ends! ;)

Yep, I'm a little like Anne ..... my hopes and dreams soar high and I come crashing down when they don't come to fruition.

Am I the only one?

The Help

2011-09-12T23:09:00.001-07:00

Have you seen the movie "The Help" yet? I took myself to see it on Sunday and just loved it! The first half hour was a little slow in my opinion but I think they were just building the story line.

This is the kind of movie that leaves you with an overall warm feeling and causes you to think. One thing that really stood out to me, besides the obvious cruelty to the colored women of that time, was the fact that every character in the show had a story. No ones life was perfect or without struggle and hardship. I don't know about you, but during the difficult times in life I can convince myself that we're "the only ones". Oh brother...what a way to think, huh? Everyone has challenges, pain, and trials. That's just life. Thankfully, there are many beautiful things along the way. The Help did a great job of showing these moments, too. There are good friends, sunny days, blossoming flowers, music, fresh air, funny things to laugh at, a baby's smile, and even fried chicken (the women really loved their fried chicken in the movie)!

Have a beautiful day everyone....let's try to treasure the simple things that make us smile. xo!

Here's a trailor for the movie if you haven't seen it yet:

And here's the PLAYLIST...it had some awesome music. :)

Have you seen the movie? What did you think of it?

Hello Again!

2011-09-09T17:01:00.000-07:00

Photo by the talented Cindy

You know, I think I might have started up this blog at the wrong time. lol. We are moving in less than a week and I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed with all of the things left to do. I know once we settle in I'll have more time to keep up here and on Simply Hue. Hope I don't lose all of you. I love knowing you visit and read my ramblings and I enjoy reading every comment!

Oh, a little update on the sketches I was going to post. Ummm.....I think that may have to wait, too. Do you ever do this? You make something, draw something, paint something and then decide it needs that last little touch and then you ruin the whole thing?! Well, that's exactly what I did with my sketches. I decided to fill in my pencil drawings with pen and ink and made a mess of them. Soooo, until I have something a little more "impressive" to show you, I'll just leave you with this beautiful Paris image. Be back soon! xo

Thankful for Friends....

2011-09-05T10:28:00.001-07:00

Photo by Jaime M

This weekend I was reminded of how thankful I am for my friends. Having a chronic illness can be very isolating at times....I'm forced to stay home and rest and have to pass up a lot of fun events. I get a little down in the dumps about this at times because I hate the thought that I'm missing out on life and on making memories with the people I love.

Anyways, a few of my closest friends spent hours helping us prepare for our move this weekend. They painted and cleaned and even did some of that deep down cleaning that I tend to bypass. One friend scrubbed and scoured our stove top so well that I told her that I was concerned that my husband might have the realization that there are actually women who do these types of things! ha, ha.

I'm so thankful for my friends and family .... and I'm thankful for all of YOU who visit and leave kind comments for me here on my new blog and on Simply Hue. Hope you have a great new week!!! You deserve it. :)

20 Things About Me ......

2011-09-03T13:22:00.001-07:00

1 - Fabian Nora, 2 - Meisi, 3 - Girl Hula, 4 - Mary Vican

Hey there! You may be wondering why on earth I'm blogging on a Saturday. Well, since this blog is all new, I think I might be feeling a little overly enthusiastic about it. lol. I didn't win the "enthusiasm" award in elementary school for nothing you know.

I thought I'd write a post and share a few things you may not know about me. I apologise for not having a photo of myself. I do plan on getting some up eventually (read below to find out why there are so few photos of me floating around). :)

**********************************************************

1. I hate to have my picture taken. I know "hate" is a strong word...I guess I should say that I avoid cameras at any cost. I'm one of the least photogenic people you'll meet....at least in my opinion. I always have some quirky expression or a stiff phony smile on my face. Can any of you relate to this?

2. I'm actually a very cheerful person and smile and laugh a lot (so you would think I'd take good photos, wouldn't you?) Past midnight I can get downright giddy!

3. I have a thing for chocolate and have to have it in some form every day...even if it's just chocolate syrup in my milk.

4. I'm addicted to BEAUTY....whether it's in nature, fashion, photography, or art. My Dad was a forest ranger and instilled a real appreciation for nature in me and in my brother and sister. My Mom was raised in a very cultured artistic family and I think that played a factor in my tastes in the above.

5. I adore children and the elderly and have worked with both. I've taught children's art and remedial reading classes and worked with Alzheimer's patients as an activity director...a very tough but rewarding job. :)

6. I have Multiple Sclerosis (MS). I was diagnosed last year after visiting specialists for over 9 years about some very scary neurological symptoms I was experiencing. Most days I do o.k. but I have some pretty bad days and serious symptoms, too. My faith in God and the support of my family and friends has brought me through some rough times.

7. I'm a country girl but love visiting the city. One of my favorite things to do is to take country drives. I use more gas than I should driving down country roads, and yes, listening to country music.

8. I hate (there's that word again) brussel sprouts and fishy-tasting fish. You definitely won't find me eating oysters or anything with long crawly legs. lol.

9. Speaking of "long crawly legs" ... I could do without spiders of any kind (although I did let a tarantula climb on my shoulder at the zoo once...eek!)

10. My favorite place in all the world is the ocean. I have to visit there at least (minimum) once a year. We're fortunate to live just 3 hours away...yay!

11. I l.o.v.e. horses. There's just something about them. I'm entranced by their wild beauty, their deep feeling eyes, and their spiritedness. I can see why they are used as a form of therapy for people with special needs. Being near them brings a sense of healing.

12. I'm mostly Italian and Irish and my husband is Czechoslovakian and German. Quite a combination, huh? I have relatives in Italy and France and hope to meet them in the next few years. Visiting Italy and meeting my extended Italian family is my biggest dream. :)

13. Growing up I could be a little trouble maker. I was very active, talkative, and mischievous...the kind of student teachers and bus drivers just loved. ha, ha. By high school I had mellowed quite a bit but still knew how to have fun.

14. I'm a people person, talk to just about anyone with ease, and make friends easily. It's funny though.... even though I love spending time with friends and family, I can be a real homebody. I really enjoy being alone and will even go to a restaurant or movie by myself.

15. When I was five years old I went door to door with my little red wagon filled with water and tiny frogs and tried to sell them for 5 cents a piece. I don't recall there being too many takers. ha,ha.

16. I'm generally very easy going and patient but can have a temper when pushed. Hate to admit that sometimes the Italian/Irish in me takes over.

17. I love having an attractive home but am not a deep-down cleaner. If I could pay someone to clean I would. If you walk into my home, though, you would think it looked picked up and decorated nicely.

18. Speaking of homes, we are moving in a couple of weeks to a lovely one near Lake Washington. In fact, we have a beautiful view of the lake from our small deck (photos to come this week)!

19. I'm a hippy at heart. You can probably tell by my photos that I love anything retro or vintage.

20. I am guilty of occasionally reading children's books such as Anne of Green Gables or The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants (don't laugh) and I dream of writing my own children's book one day .... so that's my excuse. lol.

************************************************************

If you read through all this....thank you! I appreciate you taking the time to learn more about me. :)

My New Personal Blog

2011-08-30T21:38:00.000-07:00

Photo by Samantha Lamb

For as long as I can remember I've had a sense of wonder. Growing up, the tiniest things could delight and entertain me for hours. And now as an adult, things haven't changed much. I'm still captivated by the varying colors and patterns in a tiny pebble and mesmerized by the roar of the ocean and the passing shadows on a snowy mountain peak.

This blog is my virtual journal... a place for me to be a little more open and real, to share what's going on in my life, and to let you in on the beauty and wonder I discover along the way.

So glad you're here! xo